Now a days, in almost every aspect of your life you have control over the situation. You get in the car, you control everything from where you are going to how cool you want the AC to blow. You control which song you want to play on you phone, you control what you purchase at the store, and you control when you return home.
It’s moments when you lose control that impact you and leave you confused and lost. When you lose a loved one, when you crash your car, when you lose your job. It is in these moments of no control that determine who we are. If you are currently in a state of no control you have to regain control in your life, it is a must. Here are some ways for you to regain control in your life.
Set a schedule: Set a time to wake up, eat breakfast, learn something new (language, instrument), and some time to think of how you lost that control in your life.
Go exercise: Exercise not only is beneficial to your body it also is amazing for reducing stress. This reduction of stress will help you feel more in control of your life. Exercises can be working out at the gym, yoga, running, and a nice walk all help. Article on Walking and Stress relief
Read: Reading is an under appreciated yet necessary part of growing as a person. I personally love non fiction books that deal with self improvement. Here are some that help you regain control in your life. The War of Art , Awaken the Giant Within & 48 Laws of Power
If you begin to incorporate all of these ways to regain control in your life you will feel a sense of total control in your life. The importance of finding and maintaining control in your life comes from the need for you to be the best version of yourself for the collective good of everyone. If you are in control you will feel happier as well as more able to cope with your loss of control.
Fitting In: The Reason You Should Be Unique
Do you care what other people think of you?
Even though I don’t like to admit it, I do.
We all do.
Should we change?
Why We Choose to Fit In
I’m sure fitting in was important way back in the day for survival purposes. Being accepted by a tribe of people provided you with food, shelter and a community to protect you from predators. This was the only way for us to survive. If you lived back then and were regarded as different, your tribe wouldn’t accept you. You would have been exiled, and died. Yikes! We needed group approval for survival. So why do we still have this out dated method of thinking, when we have the safety and security that fitting in previously required of us?
We’ve been tricked into to keep this mindset.
Money, that is the reason why we still have the mindset to fit in. There is a lot of money in marketing if you fit in and become a good consumer. When you can be sold on the idea of fitting in, you can be sold things to make you fit in! We are sold on which shoes will make us jump as high as Michael Jordan, what style of haircut that Justin Bieber has, what lipstick will make our lips look like Kylie’s. What I’m trying to get across here is that we are not thinking for ourselves when it comes to fitting in! We are taught how to fit in, whether this is intentional or not.
Since we have been sold this mindset for so long, I’m going to try and sell you on a different way to think.
Fitting in is also very boring. Fitting in is mediocre. No one wants a mediocre product, a mediocre day off or a mediocre boyfriend/ girlfriend. So why fit in? Why be mediocre!?! Given your choice would you rather follow an Instagram page filled with mediocre photos? No you want to follow the one that has beautiful pictures of landscapes, sunsets, birds, animals, Kim K’s… you get the point! In our technologically savvy world we can’t, no, we mustn’t, NO, we shalt not conform to the mediocrity of fitting in!
There’s a really cool scene from BBC’s Planet Earth series, on the “Birds of Paradise”. Now these are unlike any birds I’ve ever seen. These birds are colorful, they make abstract chirps and screeches, and they dance. Yes, you read that right, they dance. To attach a mate, these birds have to jump around and buff up their chests to attract a mate! Do you think that the female bird would chose a boring bird, absolutely not!
You can be the colorful dancing bird. You can create something that the other birds would want to talk about, or buy. You can, and you should be unique.
Fitting in used to be cool, fitting in used to be functional, fitting in really doesn’t fit well present day.
You need to stand out. Be unique.
Inconveniences. They happen often. Let me tell you of something that happened to me today. In fear of missing the bus to work I ran out of my house in a hurry only to realize once on the bus that I had forgotten my headphones. Oh, the horrible gut wrenching feeling I experienced upon realized that I had an hour and a half bus ride ahead of me and nothing to distract me from it, I didn’t know what to do with myself.
It hit me then and there that I was addicted to my headphones, or at least the convenience of headphones. I wear my headphones everywhere; the bus, at work, while eating, working out and sometimes when I sleep. The convenient thing about headphones isn’t that they are small, light, or that they have great sound quality, no but rather their real convenience is distraction.
Headphones are a really easy way to distract us. We can wear them anywhere, at any time and use them with almost any type of technology. Talk about convenient!
It’s convenient to be distracted. If we become distracted, we have something to blame for not achieving the goals we want. The golfer that misses the final putt can blame it on how he was “distracted” by the kid sneezing 100 yards away, we all know that this isn’t the reason he missed, but it’s a convenient way for him to shift blame. The real reason the golfer missed the shot was because they weren’t focused.
It’s convenient to be distracted and inconvenient to be focused.
Without any distractions we can get work done, we have nowhere to hide. Without distractions we can put an end to procrastination, hesitation, and eliminate excuses. We can build businesses, write, paint, get in shape, we can do literally anything you want. Once you can identify that you are using distractions as a convenient crutch you can break free and unleash your inner power. By why don’t we break away from distractions and become and do all that great stuff? According to one of my favorite books The War of Art, the reason is our inner Resistance.
The resistance is our inner naysayer, the voice telling you it’s dangerous to ask that question, the reason you postpone writing that play, It’s a dark force and one that is in everyone one of us. Resistance is holding you back for one and one reason only, survival. Resistance lives in the Lizard Brain “Fight or flight”, when we go to ask “that question” our brain immediately runs through the worst case scenario. “What if I ask a dumb question” “what if I get fired for it” “what if I can’t make any money because I’m fired” “what if I starve”, all of this in less than a millisecond, all because of our lizard brain! Seth Godin has a ton of amazing Blog posts and Talks on this subject. I will link his Blog here and his videos here. If you want to learn more about the resistance read my previous article here, or go purchase The War of Art by Steven Pressfield here.
Take off your Headphones
Once we take off our “headphones” we have to focus on ourselves. Our inner thoughts, emotions and desires. Without the distraction of having on headphones I was able to listen to things, things like the rumble on the bus, the sirens in the city, and my own breath. We all should take off our headphones, I mean this both figuratively and literally, and experience what life is like being with yourself, distraction free and with the ability to focus on your goals, dreams and inner thoughts. Originally the fact that I left my headphones at home seemed like a huge inconvenience, when in reality it turned out to be one great convenience.
Gratitude is one of the most powerful forces in the world. Gratitude can change a bad day into a great day. Gratitude can make a poor man rich. Gratitude can change your life.
We’ve all had our share of bad days. You run late to work, get yelled at by your boss, grab a quick coffee only to have it slip out of your hands all over your new shoes, and and it’s only 10 am. Many times the bad days seem to out number the good. They don’t, if you utilize the power of gratitude.
I became interested in gratitude after one of the worst summers of my life. I crashed my car, fell out of love, and witnessed my the death of my dog. I was hurt. In a bad place. I only focused on all the bad things that happened to me, and kept feeling worst and worst about my situation. I tired many different things, but only one thing really worked for me, you guessed it. Gratitude.
I started small. I woke up in the morning and thought of one thing I was grateful for. This varied from day to day but I realized after a week that I really didn’t have a hard time thinking of one thing I was grateful for. I bet if you took a second right now you too could think of one thing you are grateful for. I bet you could think of three, five, hell even 20 if you really had to. They don’t have to be big things either. One day I woke up and was grateful for the birds chirping and giving me something pleasant to listen too while drinking my morning coffee. Start small and you’ll find that even the little things in life are enjoyable and something we never realized that we are grateful for.
So the next time you find yourself having a bad day, take a second to think of something you are grateful for. Take a moment to realize that whatever it is that is stressing you out is minor to what really matters in life, whether that be your family, your loved one, your career, and realize that you have so many things to be happy and grateful for. You have many things to be grateful for, be grateful for those things.
I’ve decided that this blog will no longer talk about health related topics.
While I do enjoy fitness and living a healthy lifestyle, it will not be the focus of torritalks.com blog.
Instead I will be posted them on my professional website johntorri.com on a regular basis.
The reason I’ve decided to do this is because I want this blog to be about myself and my current thoughts and views on the world and where I am in my progress. Similar to a journal I guess.
I want to have a page that I can look back on someday and understand who I was and where my head was. This will also be a fun way for you all to watch me learn and grow. I hope you will learn and grow with me, as that is most important to me.